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November 8
In the bubbling caldron of my mind, I never know what idea will rise to
comfort or inspire me. Today it is the teachings of Lao-Tzu that serve to
reestablish equilibrium. "He who wants to have right without wrong, order
without disorder, does not understand the principles of heaven and earth.
He does not know how things hang together. Can a man cling only to heaven
and know nothing of earth? They are correlative, to know one is to know the
other." I have been on the ocean wanting the wind to blow only from the
east. This is not the way of nature. I must take the unfavorable winds
along with the favorable ones. It is my understanding that to the ancient
Chinese the dragon was a rare creature of great power and positive force.
In ancient works of art these grand dragons are often depicted holding a
pearl. The pearl is a symbol of internal change.
The American Pearl has changed me a great deal, but still I struggle with
my errant thoughts and desires. Last night, I was in a foul temper. For
the better part of a week now, I have struggled to hold my course against
the influence of winds from the south and south-southeast. It has been a
difficult time. My pride has made the conditions seem even worse. When I
left Tenerife, I had no illusions of breaking the solo record for the
fastest crossing on this route. It was not until a journalist told me the
record was 73 days, that it even entered my thoughts. Before that, I
didn't know what the record was.
There is a part of me -- certainly in my un-transformed self -- that
is, well, just a tiny bit competitive. I insist this crossing has little to
do with gender, but given the chance to best the performance of men, it is
rare for me not to "stoop to conquer." So I had allowed myself to become
focused on breaking this silly record. .
In flat water rowing, there are no "world records." Wind and current are
always considered variables. The same should be true of ocean rowing.
There should be no "records" with regard to time. Even if I broke the
record it would have less to do with my rowing than with the weather that
pushed me across the Atlantic. So, I have gotten over my foolishness (most
of it anyway). I will arrive, when I arrive.
I just saw a Petrel snatch a flying fish out of mid-air. They really are
extraordinary birds. Earlier I saw what I think was a Killer Whale, but I
did not think they frequented such warm water. The dorsal fin was
extraordinarily tall perhaps five feet in height. The shape of the fin was
almost an isosceles triangle. I know of no other whale with this shape of
fin, but I there may be some other with this feature.
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